goodbyeoldpain.wordpress.com
Further | Goodbye Old Paint
https://goodbyeoldpain.wordpress.com/2016/10/11/further
By Steve O'Key. I’ve just cried. My lashes still hold droplets. The bags under my eyes are dry. That kind of crisp dry when something has just been wet. I was making a list of things I’ve got to do. Like taking out the pizza boxes from last night,. Because I don’t want to be a part of the chaos. Like emailing the tutor I forgot to meet today. Or rather, emailing the tutor I forgot to CONFIRM to meet today. I’m the one contemplating the blurring of trees as we freefall into. I found the wherewithal to qui...
goodbyeoldpain.wordpress.com
Big Me | Goodbye Old Paint
https://goodbyeoldpain.wordpress.com/2016/04/05/big-me/comment-page-1
By Steve O'Key. I’ve just realised that this blog is basically a way back into writing. It’s also therapy,. Expression in ways beyond my normal mentality. But all it ever comes out as is poetry. It’s not like me to call it that. Space exists for this in other places. Awkward Boyfriends makes safety nets. For the words of the others. But I couldn’t approach this appropriately. For it to be defined as any more than diary. So I needed my space. I feel a little wired. But I went a weekend without my phone.
goodbyeoldpain.wordpress.com
Scene 2: Nowhere Near | Goodbye Old Paint
https://goodbyeoldpain.wordpress.com/2016/04/13/scene-2-nowhere-near
Scene 2: Nowhere Near. By Steve O'Key. Writer’s block, to me, isn’t specific to writing. It’s a creative block. And even then I have issues with the term ‘block’. I have an issue with a lot of things. I’m distant. Not like I used to be. I used to call myself empty. I’m distant. Like everything is far away and I don’t have the energy to reach them. Like everything is being dangled in front of me,. But when I reach for it, it retracts. It feels like parts of my brain are paralysed. Like I’m still ill.
goodbyeoldpain.wordpress.com
Our Love Is Gonna Live Forever | Goodbye Old Paint
https://goodbyeoldpain.wordpress.com/2016/03/31/our-love-is-gonna-live-forever
Our Love Is Gonna Live Forever. By Steve O'Key. I wrote a note last night:. 8211; born into a grieving family – their presentation of love for him being one of strong, or even desperate, connection with someone they can’t have back. Someone they have lost. Not fear of failure, fear of loss”. This happens a lot. Theories on my mental health. On reasons to be. On ways to not be. But maybe this one makes some sense,. After all it was written right after I voiced it. Right after she turned to me and said.
goodbyeoldpain.wordpress.com
For Nothing Is Not Enough | Goodbye Old Paint
https://goodbyeoldpain.wordpress.com/2016/07/10/for-nothing-is-not-enough
For Nothing Is Not Enough. By Steve O'Key. I’ve not posted on here in quite a long time. It seems I’ve run out of things to say. For now, at least. I’ve find a relative stability. I’m not fixed. Not cured. Better, but still ill. Disabled, even. I’m still taking medication. Missed so many doses that I have a stockpile. Hanging onto them in case I forget to collect the meds again and I’m left without. Though that is unlikely now. I get them preordered. I haven’t found poetry in my head for a while. Now I&#...
goodbyeoldpain.wordpress.com
Big Me | Goodbye Old Paint
https://goodbyeoldpain.wordpress.com/2016/04/05/big-me
By Steve O'Key. I’ve just realised that this blog is basically a way back into writing. It’s also therapy,. Expression in ways beyond my normal mentality. But all it ever comes out as is poetry. It’s not like me to call it that. Space exists for this in other places. Awkward Boyfriends makes safety nets. For the words of the others. But I couldn’t approach this appropriately. For it to be defined as any more than diary. So I needed my space. I feel a little wired. But I went a weekend without my phone.
goodbyeoldpain.wordpress.com
Steve O’Key | Goodbye Old Paint
https://goodbyeoldpain.wordpress.com/author/stevenokey
By Steve O'Key. I rearranged my room. To reach the desk, keyboard, drum kit and hifi all at once. But efficiency dropped me. I think I have been for the most part of the day. Beginning with my remembering of the memory I hear you have,. That I remember being relayed to me quite differently in the first instance. Yes, it’s cryptic, but basically. I’m anticipating bad things, because that is often the nature of this illness. Struggling over the words because I’m too busy in my brain. And found new ways.
reasonsnottokillmyself.wordpress.com
HELLO AGAIN | Reasons Not to Kill Myself
https://reasonsnottokillmyself.wordpress.com/2015/06/23/concerning-blankets-and-being-alive
Reasons Not to Kill Myself. Finding odd, unexpected reasons to live. Help in Black and White. Stayin’ Alive for Citrus →. June 23, 2015. HOLY BALLS IT’S BEEN LITERALLY YEARS. Important things to know:. I am very much alive. This whole “being alive” thing is working out pretty well. I am far more enthusiastic about CAPS LOCK. I still have no idea what I am doing. I’m not sure I thought these bullet points through. In February, I got an email from THIS guy. But really, guys. I can’t tell you the ...Since 2...
goodbyeoldpain.wordpress.com
Instrumental | Goodbye Old Paint
https://goodbyeoldpain.wordpress.com/2016/03/28/instrumental
By Steve O'Key. I’m not floating now. I can hear the music but the beat is missing. Maybe my lungs are too full. Or my ears have begun to rust. But I have no energy to check them. So I wake up tired. I’m a zombie in the day. I catch my breath just long enough to observe me losing it again. Maybe I’m still in the blue. But I’m not floating. Maybe I’m treading water,. Perhaps preparing to swim again. But I get tired quick. The creatures below grip me. As I take another breath of air. And try and separate it.
