joansyoureyesblueasgodsheaven.blogspot.com
Your Eyes Blue As God's Heaven: April 2007
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Your Eyes Blue As God's Heaven. Saturday, April 7, 2007. You are neither father. You have married both. You have sired my children. I hold you on my lap. Call you nephew/niece,. Nurse you at my breast. Your limp northern hair. Slips through my fingers. I love you, lose you. And long for you. And find you, but can never. Quite sew you into my life. On bright sunny days you smile. In the dark of my chest. Filling me with birdsong. But come night you turn hard. You are ransacking my house. I run from my bed.
joanswhatilearnedonedayinhell.blogspot.com
What I Learned One Day in Hell: May 2007
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What I Learned One Day in Hell. Sunday, May 6, 2007. I learned that hell is not just in the mind. But in the body, that suffering permeates. All life on earth and time itself is thin as air. And makes no promises, while death is everywhere. And easy. I saw myself a sagging empty bag. Unable to cry or write or speak, vomiting foul fluids,. Pissing my pants, writhing in nausea. Nor was I. Who I thought I was: mother, artist, jew, yogini. I was. None of these things, just that empty bag. I am a good person!
joansbrokenbaby.blogspot.com
The Broken Baby: May 2007
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Monday, May 7, 2007. Photo by jd 2005. I was going crazy. I didn’t mean. To do it, but. I threw my baby out the window. It was made of glass. Shattered on the walk. I jumped out after. I was. Made of glass, and yet. I did. Just barely. Survive. I broke my legs, my arms. My face. Was ripped off at the cheek. My heart. Was pierced and oozing. This happened only yesterday. Today I bleed and bleed. I come to you in agony of shame. To plead for thread and needle. Plaster, glue and surgical tools.