morningmiilk.wordpress.com
10.28.16 – Milk
https://morningmiilk.wordpress.com/2016/10/29/10-28-16/comment-page-1
111916- A Journal Entry. 111916- A Journal Entry. October 29, 2016. So it’s currently after snack time but I felt like I needed to write this out, anyways. Today, I made a promise to my doctor that in no way, shape, or form, would I act on any urges to use a behavior before asking for help and, tonight, despite the fact that I was, yet again, sitting right next to the supervising nurse, I hid half of my snack in my sleeve. I feel so disappointed in myself. Ah, I don’t know what to do. I don’t have ...
choosingrecovery.wordpress.com
What It Feels Like To Be Anorexic – Recovery
https://choosingrecovery.wordpress.com/2016/06/22/what-it-feels-like-to-be-anorexic
A struggle for happiness – Saving myself from myself. What It Feels Like To Be Anorexic. June 22, 2016. June 22, 2016. People just don’t seem to understand. It’s not a ‘silly diet’ or something I can turn on and off whenever I want to. How I wish I could! It’s a struggle, a war- where both the enemy and the ally is yourself… which parts do you listen to? I am scared- terrified to gain weight! But for heaven’s sake I’m not interested in looking like a model! Yet every time I am faced with a meal these wor...
papercutsandskinnedknees.wordpress.com
September | 2016 | papercuts and skinned knees
https://papercutsandskinnedknees.wordpress.com/2016/09
Papercuts and skinned knees. Recovering from anorexia, one bite at a time. September 30, 2016. September 30, 2016. I find myself sitting on a room full of chattering people. It is crowded , and yet I am alone. How ironic–I am here because I am in recovery. I am here because I am alive. And the food is bountiful. I hesitate to choose. It is early–earlier than I normally eat. I see croissants, muffins, breakfast sandwiches, fruit, cereal. I gravitate towards the pineapple and melon slices. I can do this.
papercutsandskinnedknees.wordpress.com
Thelidderary | papercuts and skinned knees
https://papercutsandskinnedknees.wordpress.com/author/thelidderary
Papercuts and skinned knees. Recovering from anorexia, one bite at a time. March 1, 2017. March 2, 2017. The following is yet another writing of mine on depression. Depression plays a big role in my day to day life, dictating my thoughts and actions. When I am depressed, hunger doesn’t matter, my needs cease to have meaning, and I feel as though I am literally living a lie. I’m leaving for a while. Maybe a better word is “disappearing”. I don’t know how long, or exactly where I’m going. My head is heavy.
papercutsandskinnedknees.wordpress.com
Wake up | papercuts and skinned knees
https://papercutsandskinnedknees.wordpress.com/2016/12/16/wake-up
Papercuts and skinned knees. Recovering from anorexia, one bite at a time. December 16, 2016. December 16, 2016. When sleep feels like the only safe place. When dreams are nowhere to be found. Feeling like I must have an aura of pitch black following me around. Anorexia was never an act of not physically being able to eat, rather it was a refusal. Learning early on that it was easier to abstain than put myself through the guilt and shame. Now ed is silent, because a new voice has taken over. I am no long...
papercutsandskinnedknees.wordpress.com
August | 2016 | papercuts and skinned knees
https://papercutsandskinnedknees.wordpress.com/2016/08
Papercuts and skinned knees. Recovering from anorexia, one bite at a time. August 30, 2016. August 30, 2016. For years, I wore the same belt; almost every day. I’d blame it on my job at the time, working at a library. I wore jeans, thus: a belt. Even “skinny” jeans needed this monstrous strip of leather and metal to hold my pants up. I think so, as I remember telling myself just in case, I can always go back…. I ended up throwing it out with the rest of my trash. I wanted something a little dramatic,...
papercutsandskinnedknees.wordpress.com
papercuts and skinned knees | Recovering from anorexia, one bite at a time | Page 2
https://papercutsandskinnedknees.wordpress.com/page/2
Papercuts and skinned knees. Recovering from anorexia, one bite at a time. December 6, 2016. I woke up to a world covered in wet flakes. I felt at peace and safe, eating surprise cinnamon rolls and drinking hot coffee. I was thinking of a handful of years ago…. When the snow meant shoveling, something I wasn’t allowed to do. What a little devil I was about it. How my mom probably wanted to shake me, make me see. I would get so angry! At how unfair it was, that my sisters could do this chore, and not me.
papercutsandskinnedknees.wordpress.com
December | 2016 | papercuts and skinned knees
https://papercutsandskinnedknees.wordpress.com/2016/12
Papercuts and skinned knees. Recovering from anorexia, one bite at a time. December 31, 2016. December 31, 2016. This year has given me so much. Joy, pain, tears, happiness, sadness, laughter, love…the list goes on. Last year at this time, I was searching. And this year, I am searching still. This doesn’t mean I haven’t grown or learned, it simply means I haven’t found my peace yet. The one expectation that I fulfilled completely was reading more books. I’m more embarrassed than proud about thi...I don&#...
papercutsandskinnedknees.wordpress.com
First snow | papercuts and skinned knees
https://papercutsandskinnedknees.wordpress.com/2016/12/06/first-snow
Papercuts and skinned knees. Recovering from anorexia, one bite at a time. December 6, 2016. I woke up to a world covered in wet flakes. I felt at peace and safe, eating surprise cinnamon rolls and drinking hot coffee. I was thinking of a handful of years ago…. When the snow meant shoveling, something I wasn’t allowed to do. What a little devil I was about it. How my mom probably wanted to shake me, make me see. I would get so angry! At how unfair it was, that my sisters could do this chore, and not me.
papercutsandskinnedknees.wordpress.com
Winter | papercuts and skinned knees
https://papercutsandskinnedknees.wordpress.com/2016/12/22/winter
Papercuts and skinned knees. Recovering from anorexia, one bite at a time. December 22, 2016. I didn’t want to write this post. I didn’t want to even have to think about admitting what’s been going on lately. I know winter is coming every year. I know it gets to me in all of the worst ways. I used to think it was just the cold and lack of sun. Now I think it goes much deeper than that. When I enter into this season, I always think everything will stay the same. And why shouldn’t it? After all, it is.
