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RELEASE THE KRAKEN: BLOODY HELL

http://extremelydistressingnews.blogspot.com/2012/03/bloody-hell.html

Oh, hi Mark. Friday, 2 March 2012. Last weekend's BUCA championship. Was subject to heavy disruption following an outbreak of cholera in High Wycombe. Every player took offence at the exasperated attempts. Of organiser Alex Holowczak to point them towards the toilet so, as a result, they turned the playing hall into a giant carpeted nappy. A hastily made banner which read " John Snow died in 1858. Get over it. Did little to help. Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom). John Saunders' Chess Blog. Simple templ...

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RELEASE THE KRAKEN: April 2013

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Oh, hi Mark. Friday, 26 April 2013. The 4NCL appears to have turned into Premier League transfer deadline day. Naturally, Wood Green are. Among the main protagonists. However, what isn't as widely known is the other teams' plans. Luckily, RTK can exclusively reveal that there have. Been a number of other big name signings leading into the May Bank Holiday weekend. Ristol are set to take Division 2. Capablanca are set to spearhead the charge. A spokesman for. Hinckley Island's got a beach, right?

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RELEASE THE KRAKEN: An Open Letter to Steve Giddins

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Oh, hi Mark. Sunday, 3 March 2013. An Open Letter to Steve Giddins. The following is not. A response to the article Make War, Not Peace. That Mr. Giddins published on his blog on Friday Fe bruary 22 . While I have no idea why Mr. Giddins felt compelled to respond in such a derogatory manner , he said nothing of particular note. In fact, to a certain extent, I found it amusing that he'd even bothered. I wish him the best of luck get ting a free lunch off Mr. Paulson. So, here we are. We have never met&#46...

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RELEASE THE KRAKEN: March 2012

http://extremelydistressingnews.blogspot.com/2012_03_01_archive.html

Oh, hi Mark. Friday, 2 March 2012. Last weekend's BUCA championship. Was subject to heavy disruption following an outbreak of cholera in High Wycombe. Every player took offence at the exasperated attempts. Of organiser Alex Holowczak to point them towards the toilet so, as a result, they turned the playing hall into a giant carpeted nappy. A hastily made banner which read " John Snow died in 1858. Get over it. Did little to help. Subscribe to: Posts (Atom). John Saunders' Chess Blog. The Joy of Sacs.

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RELEASE THE KRAKEN: A Mockery Of All That's Holy

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Oh, hi Mark. Saturday, 28 December 2013. A Mockery Of All That's Holy. Good evening and welcome to our first ever book review. This column will be taking a look at Jerry Humphreys' Secrets of Pawnless Openings. Which our foreign correspondent picked up at an impromptu book signing at a local Aldi. Enticed by the author's winning smile she gladly parted with €. Reviews on the rear cover were not encouraging:. A senseless waste of human life. Clearly the work of a lunatic. I wish he'd died of bird flu".

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RELEASE THE KRAKEN: Crime is Confusing

http://extremelydistressingnews.blogspot.com/2012/07/crime-is-confusing.html

Oh, hi Mark. Friday, 6 July 2012. There's been an addition to the ranks of ECF officials. We'll forgive you for having missed it. This particular official's unlikely to waste money though, primarily because his budget will be paltry, if he gets one at all. From his rotting cell at HMP Pentonville, Charlie Fry will be coordinating all things chess for jailbirds everywhere, having been put away in May for crimes against hair. Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom). John Saunders' Chess Blog. The Joy of Sacs.

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RELEASE THE KRAKEN: June 2013

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Oh, hi Mark. Sunday, 16 June 2013. Everything Is All Right. We now interrupt our normal schedule with a special broadcast. Surrounding the eligibility, or otherwise, of Mr. Scholes is obviously a non-issue. Rules are rules and of course the result of Kent - Middlesex should be overturned because, hey, why have common sense when you can have bureaucracy? Subscribe to: Posts (Atom). Everything Is All Right. John Saunders' Chess Blog. The Joy of Sacs. A complete history of not very much.

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RELEASE THE KRAKEN: August 2013

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Oh, hi Mark. Wednesday, 7 August 2013. Everyone Else Advised To Give Up. In a remarkable display of triumphal elitism, even for Chessbase, Frederic Friedel has declared that the British Championship will end this evening after 9 rounds of play instead of the allotted 11. He has also apparently eradicated the rules governing play-offs for the title. So, well done David Howell. The 2013 British Champion. Must be nice to be you. Subscribe to: Posts (Atom). Everyone Else Advised To Give Up. The Joy of Sacs.

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RELEASE THE KRAKEN: December 2011

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Oh, hi Mark. Wednesday, 14 December 2011. Life Outside The Diamond. It's come to our attention that the Armenian government have gone big. Not content with their 4. Place finish at the European Team Championships in Greece last month and that off the back of winning the Worlds in July, they are trying to set the bar even higher. Promoting junior chess is a topic close to our hearts here at RTK so we've decided to weigh in with some thought nuggets. Firstly, the successful 'A Copy of the 400. Just in case...

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RELEASE THE KRAKEN: November 2013

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Oh, hi Mark. Monday, 25 November 2013. BREAKING: British chess player not on brink of death. Anthropologists in Glasgow have moulded a young, articulate and good looking chess player. After twelve months of social integration, including toilet training and basic dietary nous, they decided to show him off on BBC News. The results were incredible. Dr Sanchez-Reed exclusively told RTK. Mr Thomas will now be going on tour as a motivational speaker, supporting Kriss Akabusi on his whirlwind circuit of English...