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unenlightened parenting techniques. - renegade mothering

http://www.renegademothering.com/category/unenlightened-parenting-techniques

Posts Filed Under unenlightened parenting techniques. Breaking news: Don’t be a dick in restaurants. By now you’ve heard of the restaurant owner in Maine. Who yelled at some toddler who allegedly screamed for 40 minutes at a table. What I want to talk about is the debate that surfaces between people with and without kids whenever an event like this occurs. In case you’ve been living in a yurt on a New Mexican bluff, the two sides go like this:. I added the last part. Let’s start with the parents. Remembe...

renegademothering.com

Sometimes, I’m all deep and shit….. - renegade mothering

http://www.renegademothering.com/category/renegade-insights

Posts Filed Under Sometimes, I’m all deep and shit…. Tonight, the blankets stay on the floor. I slept in my mom’s bed until I was in junior high. Not every night. Just sometimes. I guess I needed the closeness. Some kids do. Even when I came home to visit from college, I crawled into her bed once or twice, and fell asleep, because she was there. But there was a last time. There was a day she set down her doll. There was a day she didn’t pick it up again. See I fucking told you. Our son always wants to be...

renegademothering.com

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING HERE. - renegade mothering

http://www.renegademothering.com/category/lamentations-of-an-uniformed-mother

Posts Filed Under I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING HERE. 21 things standing between me and “reasonable bedtimes”. Last week a super handy chart took its 10,000 laps around the internet and I once again realized either: a.) The whole fucking parenting world is batshit; or b.) I am worse at this than formerly thought. You see, the chart in question. Seven Fucking. Thirty. Truly, do we have no soul left? What is wrong with us? Why are we talking about this? GET OFF HERE IF YOU’RE JUST GOING TO TELL ME HOW I’M ...

renegademothering.com

renegade mothering | tales of a wayward mama

http://www.renegademothering.com/page/75

Mama, why aren’t you in the PTA? Not too long ago Ava asked me that question: Mama, why aren’t you in the PTA? Awwwww. That kid. So sweet. There I stood in the kitchen with my tattoos and questionable attitude, throwing together some jerry-rigged meal of non-organic clearance items while yelling at the 5-year old and the husband. Singing kid unfriendly music between rants, trying to convince myself that 8pm is in fact a reasonable time to start dinner, wondering what sort of hellish after-school activity.

renegademothering.com

To the mamas who never feel “just right” - renegade mothering

http://www.renegademothering.com/2015/08/11/to-the-mamas-who-never-feel-just-right

To the mamas who never feel “just right”. I’ll never feel just right as a mother. That’s what I’ve learned. No matter what I do, a piece of me will wonder about the other side, the other choice. I’ll crave it a little, yearn for it a little, lie down at night and wish for it, a little. I’ll wake up in the morning and go on with my day anyway. When I grow up I want to be a writer like you, mama. When I get home, Arlo is already asleep. But I have to nurse him! I lie beside my babe and pull him close and h...

renegademothering.com

playdate in my trailer - renegade mothering

http://www.renegademothering.com/playdate-in-my-trailer

Playdate in my trailer. I don’t live in a trailer. Or even a trailer park. I just like the idea of a playdate in a trailer. The image pretty much sums up my experience of motherhood. Just a little off, all the time. The first time I picked up “ What to Expect When You’re Expecting I knew I was seriously screwed. Allow me to elaborate:. Or: “how to remain 21 and hot while mothering.”. What about those of us who just aren’t cut out for this shit but are doing it anyway? I lie down exhausted and think of al...

renegademothering.com

renegade mothering | tales of a wayward mama

http://www.renegademothering.com/page/3

Sometimes, I am the asshole. One of my goals in life is to not let my decision to have children ruin anybody’s life. I talk a lot about asshole, entitled parents producing tiny asshole children, and I work really, really hard not to do that. It’s kind of my claim to fame. It’s not. I’m not famous, or even special, really. Anyway, on Saturday, the fruit of my womb (I just threw up a little) ruined a woman’s afternoon. Or a portion of it, at least. What the fuck is a ‘bear dessert? Well of course I did, Ma...

renegademothering.com

renegade mothering | tales of a wayward mama

http://www.renegademothering.com/page/2

I have an idea: Let’s stop telling women how to give birth. I recently read an article. Cleverly titled You should get an epidural (I know, I know I should have stopped there) that told a story about some natural birther who was rude to the writer in a grocery store. Apparently she asked the writer WHILST STANDING IN A CHECKOUT LINE – how she planned on giving birth then shamed her for wanting an epidural. This is almost unbelievable in its fucked-upedness (yeah that’s a word). Who the hell would do that?

renegademothering.com

Useless Lists of Irrelevant Information. - renegade mothering

http://www.renegademothering.com/category/i-like-lists

Posts Filed Under Useless Lists of Irrelevant Information. How to get mom-famous on Instagram. In this post, I’m going to share with you everything you need to know to get famous on Instagram as a mother. What’s that you say? I’m not famous on Instagram therefore what the fuck do I know? Look You’re getting too caught up in details. You need to calm it down a bit if it’s going to work between us. I know this information not because I DO it but because I’m a writer, which means I sit in an office all day.

renegademothering.com

People who can’t read sarcasm are the antichrist - renegade mothering

http://www.renegademothering.com/2015/07/08/people-who-cant-read-sarcasm-are-the-antichrist

People who can’t read sarcasm are the antichrist. Did you see what I did there? I used sarcasm to explain how annoying it is when people can’t read sarcasm. Actually it was hyperbole but if I say “hyperbole” my joke won’t work and it’s humor above accuracy here, people.). The point remains: If you read that sentence and are now saying to yourself Well that’s offensive! My Christian sensibilities are officially. THIS POST IS FOR YOU. Somebody is fucking joking. In other words, you ruin everything. If a pe...