cloudurchin.wordpress.com
Insomnia pt 7777 | cloudurchin
https://cloudurchin.wordpress.com/2015/12/06/insomnia-pt-7777
I have stopped sleeping at night again. Even with medication, even with lack of sleep. There’s a dark loneliness brewing in my mind that defies relaxation. Therapy is helping. I’m not cured, of course. I doubt I’ll ever be 100 percent again. Some experiences leave deep scars. But until the void started swelling, I actually had a few days that I could honestly say that I was happy. Genuine happiness. I’d thought it couldn’t happen, but there it was. Good morning, all. I hope everyone is safe and happy.
cloudurchin.wordpress.com
cloudurchin | cloudurchin
https://cloudurchin.wordpress.com/author/cloudurchin
Dare You To Move. I have borderline personality disorder. It is a part of me, a really big part, because it defines every surface thought I have, my self esteem, my relationships with the people around me. More than anything, I’ve always been searching for love. To be understood and accepted as I am and important, although if I’m treated thus I grow wary, certain it’s going to fall apart. I’m always waiting on the day they leave. September 4, 2016. I have stopped sleeping at night again. Even with me...
cloudurchin.wordpress.com
Tick tick tick | cloudurchin
https://cloudurchin.wordpress.com/2015/06/23/tick-tick-tick/comment-page-1
Too much to do and no time. Doctor appointments, procedures scheduled, medicine changed and ordered. I have no energy for this. I want to do it though. I want to make those calls. I want the apartment nice. I want to try to get better. It’s made me antsy. It helps, then it’s too much. Still panicky, but not nonstop. A good start, but I’ve gained 7 lbs in two weeks and that’s not right. Working on birthdays. Working on me. I want to live. I want more than the half life again. June 23, 2015. Enter your com...
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September 15 | cloudurchin
https://cloudurchin.wordpress.com/2015/09/15/september-15
My brain is so dull I can’t even think of a relevant title, much less a clever one. I miss being smart. It feels like I’ve lost a lot of my IQ with the anxiety and depression this time. When I say “This time” I am counting the past two years. My new therapist is nice. I haven’t seen her enough to know if she’s effective, but at least she’s nice. Kiera is also going to start seeing her over the adhd anger and nightmares. Hopefully things will be better in that regard soon. September 15, 2015. You are comm...
cloudurchin.wordpress.com
Insomnia pt 7777 | cloudurchin
https://cloudurchin.wordpress.com/2015/12/06/insomnia-pt-7777/comment-page-1
I have stopped sleeping at night again. Even with medication, even with lack of sleep. There’s a dark loneliness brewing in my mind that defies relaxation. Therapy is helping. I’m not cured, of course. I doubt I’ll ever be 100 percent again. Some experiences leave deep scars. But until the void started swelling, I actually had a few days that I could honestly say that I was happy. Genuine happiness. I’d thought it couldn’t happen, but there it was. Good morning, all. I hope everyone is safe and happy.
cloudurchin.wordpress.com
ARGH | cloudurchin
https://cloudurchin.wordpress.com/2015/06/14/argh
I slept for an hour. Then Kiera woke me and I’ve been lying here since. Tried watching Pet Sematary Two but the router keeps resetting and I’m too tired to keep dealing with the Xbox and Netflix. So I have music on low and I’m curled up on the couch. It’s been a weird life lately. There are good things, which I’m afraid will implode, and the usual bad. The meds actually give me energy. Or at least, they make me have the desire to move. I’ve been more active, which is great. I want Nathan to find a girlfr...
cloudurchin.wordpress.com
cloudurchin | thequeenofrandom | Page 2
https://cloudurchin.wordpress.com/page/2
It Hasn’t Been a While Since Writing Here(and fuck that song). Both assigning blame elsewhere but still all the guilt for allowing it! I slept two hours last night, and I’m still wide awake after all this time. However, I’ve had energy today. Which had me doing dishes and sorting clothes to get rid of. And dancing at 3am to Tori. But now I hear birds chirping and I want to write. I worked on an article to submit to Dear Hope. Anyway, good morning. How are you? I’d honestly like to know. June 12, 2015.
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No Last Time | cloudurchin
https://cloudurchin.wordpress.com/2015/06/13/no-last-time
From the Dear Hope group. Beautiful and sad. There’s never going to be a last time. There is no cure. There is only the finite space. Of kind of okay. The discrete moments of joy. And they’re so hard to remember. Especially when the sadness. Is so overwhelming,. When the melancholy floats to the surface. Like poisonous cream,. When I’m already so tired. And the reality is that the best. I can hope for is respite. Rather than true relief. It’s like having a terminal illness. That never terminates,.
cloudurchin.wordpress.com
Dare You To Move | cloudurchin
https://cloudurchin.wordpress.com/2016/09/04/dare-you-to-move
Dare You To Move. I have borderline personality disorder. It is a part of me, a really big part, because it defines every surface thought I have, my self esteem, my relationships with the people around me. More than anything, I’ve always been searching for love. To be understood and accepted as I am and important, although if I’m treated thus I grow wary, certain it’s going to fall apart. I’m always waiting on the day they leave. September 4, 2016. Leave a Reply Cancel reply. Enter your comment here.
cloudurchin.wordpress.com
Many things | cloudurchin
https://cloudurchin.wordpress.com/2015/06/29/many-things
I had a full blown passing out panic attack last night. Stephen saw it coming on before I was even aware and talked me through it. That was terrible and embarrassing. My mom’s best friend died. Lung cancer. A long, hard downhill slide. I can’t even process it. I wanted to write about her but I can’t. My friends Alicia and Ted bought the girls aloft bed, a mattress. And a comforter. I am so blessed without friends, I really am. What I’m going to really talk about, my focus, is thiS. So, I have to choose&#...