midwesternnightmares.blogspot.com
Midwestern Nightmares: July 2009
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Wednesday, July 29, 2009. Consumable Mistakes: Jolly Rancher Yogurt, Watermelon Flavored. Yep, no leftover Taco Bell for me this morning. Just gonna start the day off right with a nice cup of yogurt. Get the ol' mechanics runnin' smooth. This yogurt is SO good. But you know what would make it even better? Don't be stupid. What would really turn this breakfast party out is if I could somehow have Jolly Rancher candy AND my yogurt at the same time! Well sign me right up for. Links to this post. That's when...
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Midwestern Nightmares: September 2009
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Wednesday, September 16, 2009. The Van I'm Gonna Get. As a single fella, I don't know much what you babes are into. Can I call you "babes"? I don't know, help me out here. Are you into that song "Still of The Night" by Whitesnake? If I cranked that up on my hi-fi would that get you all damp in your unders? Like, a 1982 Chevy Beauville. I'd have a sweetass Pioneer tape deck. No wait, a DUAL tape deck. And because it's broken, there'd only ever be 2 tapes stuck in there. Did I mention I call him "Scott"?
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Midwestern Nightmares: Guys' Night Advice Column #6: Manscapage
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Monday, August 10, 2009. Guys' Night Advice Column #6: Manscapage. Dear Guy's Night,. My girlfriend was complaining about how all of her friend's boyfriends "manscape" and I'm the only one who doesn't. She said I was "nasty" down there and that's why she rarely gives me a blow-j. So to surprise her later, I took my Mach 5 for a little spin around my business in the shower this morning. Well, I've got a few problems. Goose, I need ya buddy. 4 I thought trimming was supposed to make your junk look bigger?
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Midwestern Nightmares: Consumable Mistakes: I Don't Remember Mickey Rooney Playing An Oompa-Loompa In Breakfast At Tiffany's?
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Wednesday, August 26, 2009. Consumable Mistakes: I Don't Remember Mickey Rooney Playing An Oompa-Loompa In Breakfast At Tiffany's? I'm pretty sure this is kinda racist. 8220;Oooo, Wirry Ronka eeesah soo Delickoricious! There, now it’s SUPER racist. Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom). Follow me on Twitter. And you can more conveniently follow Mike Burns on Tumblr. Be pals with Mike Burns on Facebook. Be pals with Mike Burns on MySpace even though he never checks it anymore. The Whitest Kids U' Know.
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Midwestern Nightmares: Guys' Night Advice Column #7: Mad Mentourage
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Monday, August 17, 2009. Guys' Night Advice Column #7: Mad Mentourage. What up Gizzo Nizzo! You watch Entourage last night? Man, that epp was off the chain! Basically, the whole show was about how Turtle has to go to his first day of college in his Maserati, Vince comes with, then, 5-minutes after being there, Vin goes up to the room of a sexy co-ed and gives her a bit of the old Chase charm while he video tapes it. SO good. One of the best yet. Those guys REALLY know how to live.". But, if you still wan...
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Midwestern Nightmares: Guys' Night Advice Column #9: Promise Keepers
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Monday, August 31, 2009. Guys' Night Advice Column #9: Promise Keepers. Dear Guys' Night,. I feel awkward writing you, this is my first time seeking help in what I think is an otherwise perfect marriage. My wife and I have been married 22 beautiful years, we have 5 awesome kids, work is great, church is great. Promise Keeper? You betcha. You're looking at a six-year Promise Keeper veteran. Attached is a photo of me and promise keepers founder Bill McCartney). Maaaaaan, you must be layin' down some sweet ...
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Midwestern Nightmares: New Location, Location, Location
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Thursday, February 18, 2010. New Location, Location, Location. We've moved to keep up with the times! Check out our new shop in an even more gentrified neighborhood where the kids are all hip to the jive and totally dress in the most far out fashions:. Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom). Follow me on Twitter. And you can more conveniently follow Mike Burns on Tumblr. Be pals with Mike Burns on Facebook. Be pals with Mike Burns on MySpace even though he never checks it anymore. The Whitest Kids U' Know.
midwesternnightmares.blogspot.com
Midwestern Nightmares: August 2009
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Monday, August 31, 2009. Guys' Night Advice Column #9: Promise Keepers. Dear Guys' Night,. I feel awkward writing you, this is my first time seeking help in what I think is an otherwise perfect marriage. My wife and I have been married 22 beautiful years, we have 5 awesome kids, work is great, church is great. Promise Keeper? You betcha. You're looking at a six-year Promise Keeper veteran. Attached is a photo of me and promise keepers founder Bill McCartney). Maaaaaan, you must be layin' down some sweet ...
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Midwestern Nightmares: February 2010
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Thursday, February 18, 2010. New Location, Location, Location. We've moved to keep up with the times! Check out our new shop in an even more gentrified neighborhood where the kids are all hip to the jive and totally dress in the most far out fashions:. Links to this post. Subscribe to: Posts (Atom). Follow me on Twitter. And you can more conveniently follow Mike Burns on Tumblr. Be pals with Mike Burns on Facebook. Be pals with Mike Burns on MySpace even though he never checks it anymore. Live in the past.
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Midwestern Nightmares: June 2009
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Tuesday, June 30, 2009. Me, The Rockabilly Bigot. I have strong opinions on clothing styles. By no means am I, as Ray Davies put it, "a dedicated follower of fashion", but I tend to be a real smart mouth about certain "trends" that have crossed over to "eye sore" status. One that I've taken pot shots at in the past is the "flame bowling shirt, chubby, spikey hair, goatee, chuck taylors, chain wallet, bad tattoos, Oakley wrap arounds, hoop earrings, hot rod/rockabilly" archetype. Links to this post. Howev...