flippinjason.blogspot.com
Flippin Jason: June 2005
http://flippinjason.blogspot.com/2005_06_01_archive.html
Oooooo that smell. Can't you smell that smell? I can't pronounce it, but they're gonna have to bring it to me on a furniture dolly! And why in the world wouldn't her co-workers tell her to go home and clean up? She left the table and I leaned towards Diane, ready to make some comment about the smelly help. The waitress was gone and as I leaned over my plate, I realized that the smell was my food. I could not believe my nose. You know what I hate more than stinky food? This steak is great! Blast her enqui...
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Flippin Jason: April 2005
http://flippinjason.blogspot.com/2005_04_01_archive.html
I love school.I love school.I love school.I love school. So this was going to be my easy quarter. "Race is over", I says. "Just prance accross the finish line", I says. So much for that theory. The school administration folks played one of their favorite games. "The Ol' Professor Switcheroo! Guy walks into a bar and sits on a stool. The bartender looks at the guy and says, "what can I get for you? The guy says, "I'm tired and dizzy all the time.". A: I don't know. I swear on my life I don't know. That's ...
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Flippin Jason: It's game time
http://flippinjason.blogspot.com/2006/01/its-game-time.html
So my kid had to have "UNO ATTACK! Ex-stream) adj. -. 1 Any act or utterance designed to bring about two simultaneous headaches, one stacked upon the other. Anyway, here's the deal. Even without the commercial, "UNO ATTACK! Would be considered X-treme by the staunchest of language experts. Speaking of language, I've been told that "uno" is not an English word. I am not the afore mentioned language expert but after playing this game, I'm pretty sure that "uno" is French for "heart". I know I'd cook more.
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Flippin Jason: September 2005
http://flippinjason.blogspot.com/2005_09_01_archive.html
That's the name of my new reality show. It's said with the same inflection as that annoying phrase, "Get 'er done! Which is replacing "Cowboy up! On bumper stickers and beer cozies all across Norco. Since only an authentic cowboy can properly pronounce the name of my show, the host will be Mat McBride. Stunning, isn't he? The person in the most serious condition was the returning tough guy, Bobby Jon. He was lying flat on his back when his eyes rolled up into his head and he started speaking gibberis...
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Flippin Jason: December 2005
http://flippinjason.blogspot.com/2005_12_01_archive.html
These past couple of months have been unmitigated suck. If you've ever looked for a job, you know what I'm talking about. Hence, the lack of Hi-larity. For the last 60 days or so every attempt to be funny went about like this:. But 'tis in the past, my friends! I landed a gig at Disneyland. I won't bore you with details. The general idea is that I skulk around at midnight killing things. Know what? I'm pretty sure your website quotes a price of around four hundred dollars. Just look it up. Looking it up&...
flippinjason.blogspot.com
Flippin Jason: Lucky, it's feeding time.
http://flippinjason.blogspot.com/2006/11/lucky-its-feeding-time.html
Lucky, it's feeding time. When we picked up the snake from the breeder, we had a few questions. I asked the guy what he eats. "Snake chow? It turns out that snakes eat mice. In fact, the guy was feeding Lucky dead mice. I thought to myself, "Dead mice huh? Not in my house! We take care of our own around here." I mean seriously, a dead mouse? What fun is that if you're a snake? The way I figure it, life is probably pretty dull when you're basically a tube. Let's mix it up a little, ya know? Imagine the sc...
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Flippin Jason: January 2006
http://flippinjason.blogspot.com/2006_01_01_archive.html
It's all about Coast to Coast. I work nights now and I find myself switching through radio stations quite a bit. It's a whole different thing 3:27am. While flipping around I found a really cool.no, the COOLEST radio show in the world. It's called Coast to Coast. It's pretty much a live performance of Weekly World News. That's the publication which broke such important stories as "Bat Boy Escapes! And "Wolf Man Catches Aides from Romping with Gays in Forest! Speaking of stuff, where's my jet pack? Would b...
flippinjason.blogspot.com
Flippin Jason: March 2006
http://flippinjason.blogspot.com/2006_03_01_archive.html
When we last left our hero he was working nights at Disneyland, wishing fervently for a jet pack, and mulling over stories that might be big foot sightings, might be leads in unsolved homicides. Let me start this story with a little disclaimer: On a moonless foggy night, surrounded by a thick planting of trees, an animatronic indian looks a whole hell of a lot like a non-animatronic indian. And running in place for a couple of seconds. It is the ultimate game after all. Have you ever seen Poltergeist?
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Flippin Jason: Battle Royale
http://flippinjason.blogspot.com/2006/04/battle-royale.html
Ding ding ding ding ding). Good evening, ladies and gentleman! In this corner weighing in at .17 ounces and draped in deliciousness. Prepared to go toe to toe with any other confection. Pounding competition 'till it loses sense of direction. Killing all other snacks beyond hope of resurrection. Sporting more fat than a wagon of meat. And in this corner, the grizzled old timer. Weighing a scant .13 ounces but packed with creamy, peanutty, panache. You've known him since you were two. Nutter Butter strikes...
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Flippin Jason: October 2005
http://flippinjason.blogspot.com/2005_10_01_archive.html
We went to Sea World this weekend. It was grand fun. However, I am beginning to wonder what the priority is. Is it sea life and education or vicious practical jokes? Why else would my family be actively encouraged to stick our arms shoulder deep into a tank of sting rays? Stick your hands in there please. But sir, they're called sting rays. Stick your hands in there! Oh well, you work with what you got. I now present their second selling point: "You'll lose your sense of direction! Again, shouldn't they ...
