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Any College Student: February 2006

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Sunday, February 26, 2006. Reasons I might have a stomach ache right now:. 1 Breakfast - leftover pasta. 2 Lunch - 6 oatmeal cookies. 3 Dinner - leftover pasta, 2 pieces of pizza on a full stomach. 4 Napping directly after said full stomach. 5 Three Diet Cokes. 7 Downing 7 pills (vitamins, I promise) all at once. 8 Bad posture throughout the entire day. My dad is coming to visit me tomorrow! This means the following:. Spending time with his girlfriend. Being taken to the movies (again, no paying). So the...

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Any College Student: March 2006

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Friday, March 31, 2006. I got off with a warning. asshole. On my first shift at my sweet, loving, paying job since returning from break, I walked in and. Boss: "You missed a shift.". Boss: "Yes, you missed a shift.". Me: "Okay, what one? Boss: "The Sunday after spring break". Me: "Sunday was a PART of spring break.". Boss: "I sent an email.". Me: "Maybe I didn't get it.". Me: "Well during my shift I was at the AIRPORT. Not on campus. Spring. Break.". Boss: "Consider this your warning.". Awkward pause) "u...

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Any College Student: June 2005

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Friday, June 24, 2005. What a cute outfit! Have you ever bought a white shirt without knowing that it was somewhat see-through? Have you ever washed your clothes and had them come out smelling like socks? Did you wear the clothes anyway? Well that was me today. I had a dream the other day that I had more clothes. Is that a sign? Oh, also: I hate shopping. Posted by Jen Johnson at 7:18 PM. Thursday, June 23, 2005. Let's all gather in the lovely parlor and have some hors d'oeuvres. Now, I usually work on S...

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Any College Student: August 2005

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Friday, August 26, 2005. First of all you can only sign up for eharmony as "Man seeking woman" or "Woman seeking man." I'm no lesbian but that even offended. When I got to my dad's profile I read through his stuff and it was pretty much stuff I already knew, but some of it was funny. First of all, I fixed a bunch of typos (sorry but he's a terrible typist). He didn't have his name capitalized, yet he'd be making witty jokes about string theory. That seemed a little backward. What was that, nerd? My cousi...

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Any College Student: July 2005

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Saturday, July 30, 2005. Because I'm not going to buy curtains. All right homies, I decided to change the template on my blog. I wish I knew more about computer language so I could make it all special, but. I just don't. What do you think? I'm only trying to please you. Anyhow, Mr. Boyfriend is in New Jersey on a family vacation for 2 and a half weeks, so I guess I'm just stuck here with my hand. Or a dildo. Or that banana over there looks nice too. Okay, I'm not that sick. I meant cucumber. The point se...

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Any College Student: September 2005

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Saturday, September 24, 2005. People watching can be frightening. Our conclusion was that the ladies were paid by the companies of the shopping bags to parade around carrying the bags. I think the ultimate question should be: why would anybody want to be like those ladies? If I buy things from those stores, and risk becoming like them, am I doomed to walk halfway across every crosswalk and pose for taxis before crossing the entire street? Posted by Jen Johnson at 7:55 PM. Wednesday, September 21, 2005.

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Any College Student: November 2005

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Sunday, November 27, 2005. Chillow cools your hotflash! Visiting my dad for Thanksgiving, we were waiting for a prescription to be filled at the drugstore, and so I sat down on the leather chair pimped out in an automatic massager. As I relaxed, I looked at the displays around me. Thankfully, there was a whole stack of massagers, slippers, and other equally comforting products. My favorite was. Chillow cools my hotflash? I didn't even know I was having those! Head, back, feet. hm. hotflash? Tuesday, Nove...

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Any College Student: October 2005

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Saturday, October 29, 2005. Oh quotes, be good to me. This girl who always brings her lunch to class (I hate it) had a soda bottle that was clear with some yellow-ish drink in it. In the middle of his sentence about economics, my teacher stops and says ". I hope this is not what I think it is.". The girl responded "It's not beer.". Similarly, my teacher stopped in mid-sentence to say: "Did I do my little dance of the arch yet? Puts up hands* I am a dome! Posted by Jen Johnson at 6:27 PM. Last year I acci...

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Any College Student: May 2005

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Sunday, May 29, 2005. Life is hard. And by life, I mean getting alcohol. Hear: Bridesmaids, Groomsmen, Maid of Honor, Best Man, Bride, Groom. Well, not quite. First of all, in case you care, the wedding was. Everyone was beautiful, my cousin cried while she said her vows, it was so sweet.]. Now It's hard work living in Hawaii for a week. Not so much the living part, but the trying to get alcohol part. This story isn't a bitter tale of how I didn't get drunk at my cousin's wedding reception. It. Clearly, ...